Going back to school after a crippling or disfiguring accident can challenge the strongest survivor. If you have a child who has had the misfortune to have had an accident this summer prepare him or her for the inevitable stares and questions. Let them know that staying calm and polite even when others are not, will, in the end, be the best course of action. Be prepared to offer emotional support and be prepared to talk to teachers about the accident and your child's feelings.
I surfed through stories on the internet today that covered accidents in many countries and from many causes. Every thing from diving accidents that paralyzed the victims to lawnmower disasters that resulted in amputated legs. Many of these news articles or blogs referred to the challenges of going back to school. A commonality in these accounts caught my attention. Most of the victims remarked on how it felt to be stared at. Some were clearly changed in appearance, some were brain damaged, some paralyzed or otherwise maimed. The feeling of being "different" was common to them all. Other commonalities were accommodations for disabled which are not consistent or not adequate. Frustrations with time schedules getting between classes when using a wheel chair or learning to use new prosthesis were mentioned a few times as well.
In all of the instances the thing that stood out was the direct cause and effect of the quality of love and support from home on the quality of life at school. Parents helped their children by focusing on the courage of the child and on the improvements that were being made in the recovery process. Going back to school was seen by the most successful families as a return to a more normal quality of life. Although some parents registered grief and despair in private moments the tone of their interactions with their children leaned toward the pragmatic and supportive role. Telling a child the truth is important, they all agreed, and then finding a way forward together made the difference between remarkable recoveries and stagnation of progress.
Having a talk with your child before school starts about what to expect helps prepare the child to handle the looks and the comments. Sometimes a shocked question such as "Oh my gosh Mark, what happened to you?" is simply an expression of concern and your child can deal with it easier if they have role played that scenario with you.
Tell your child that starting back to school will be hardest in the first few days. When other students get over the shock and have their questions answered things will settle down a bit. Do not hesitate to ask for counseling for your child. Do not hesitate to participate in counseling as a family. When a child suffers disfigurement or loses a limb the whole body image is shattered and has to be rebuilt. Paralyzing accidents or amputations can destroy hopes and goals for the future. A good counselor can help the child and the parent come to grips with the realities of the new limitations. They can also help your child re-establish hope, build new coping skills, and encourage realistic goals.
When your child does go back to school encourage them to stretch to their full potential and keep raising the bar. Find stories of people with similar injuries who went on to overcome adversities and excel at life goals. Discuss these role models with teachers, your child, and your child's friends.
Be prepared to intervene if your child is teased, bullied or shunned due to the physical changes caused by the accident. Going back to school should not be an ordeal.....a challenge, yes.....an ordeal...No.
References:
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Buy what you need for the first day of school but don’t buy too much for the rest of the year. Some items, such as pencils and pens, might be useful to stock up on if there is a great sale. But since many stores overstock on items, you may actually be able to find some bargains by scanning for sales after the back to school rush is over.
